


The Only Way Up

by insane_falcon



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Drunkenness, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:19:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insane_falcon/pseuds/insane_falcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After attending Percy and Annabeth's wedding, Nico needs to forget it all, and that one night changes his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> this is not beta'd and I have no idea where I'm going with this. comments and constructive criticism appreciated.

He sat down at the bar, tugging his tie loose. What in Hades’ name had ever convinced him that this would be a good idea? Shit.

“Gin,” he rasped at the bartender and handed him his I.D. “Start a tab.” He needed to get drunk and forget this day.

The bartender handed him back his I.D. and a glass of gin, shooting him a sympathetic look. He drained the gin in one breath. A shudder worked its way through his spine, but he ignored it and set down the glass for more.

Percy had looked so… so happy when Annabeth had walked down the aisle. His eyes had practically glowed with happiness.

They had deserved this, after all they had endured. But it hurt him to see Percy looking so damned happy at someone else, so damned oblivious to his suffering, although he would have died if Percy had noticed his feelings. Only Jason knew. He’d received some sympathetic looks from the son of Jupiter.

He finished his third glass of gin and embraced the effects. Slowed thinking, loss of motor control. Dangerous for a demigod. Stupid. But he had to forget. It was burning up inside of him, the jealousy and the hate. And he just didn’t care.

* * *

Nico woke up with a blinding headache and didn’t even bother to open his eyes. The faint light that shone in the room already hurt. Vague memories of last night filtered through his head. A smile and a laugh.

A girl! He’d… gone with her…. His eyes flashed open and he sat up, ignoring the pulsating pain. There was nobody in the room besides him. There had been a girl. Nico was sure of that. He glanced down at the bed beside him and saw a small white piece of paper. Slowly, cautiously he grabbed the note and unfolded it.

 _Thank you_ , he read. Nico fell back down and shut his eyes. Thank you.


	2. Hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I butchered anything.

The minotaur whacked him against a tree. _Pull it together, di Angelo_ , Nico ordered himself. He groaned and stood. _You’re not fourteen anymore._ The monster charged, and Nico copied, raising his sword. He dodged the Minotaur’s horns and arms and stabbed upwards into its stomach. As the monster disappeared, Nico collapsed onto the ground, legs and lungs burning. Time for sleep. He rolled into the shadow of a tree and disappeared.

His bed called to him when he appeared in his house, but he managed to stave off its lure to send a quick text to Jason. **Minotaur gone**.

Nico somehow managed to land in his bed, and then it was lights out for him.

* * *

_Long blonde hair. Large copper brown eyes. A guileless smile. Why was she talking to him? Nobody talked to him. She spoke. He answered, still confused._

_“Come on,” she said, taking his arm. “Come with me.”_

* * *

He lurched up in bed, gasping for breath. After a moment, he relaxed back down and looked at the time. Half past three. In the morning. Zeus. He’d slept for fourteen hours. And dreamed about _that_ night.

Sleep still fogged his mind, so he decided that he might as well try to sleep some more. Just as he began to drift off once more, his phone rang. Nico was tempted to ignore it, but he sighed and grabbed the phone, concerned more than he let on if Jason or Hazel were calling him so early.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“Hello,” an unfamiliar voice replied. “This is Doctor Brian Smith from St. Luke’s Hospital in Maryland. Is this Nico di Angelo?”

What? Nico pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the screen. St. Luke’s Hospital. How in Hades had they gotten his phone number?

Hospital?

“Yes, this is Nico,” he said, his heart beginning to pound frantically. Had something happened to Jason or Hazel?

“I’m very sorry to inform you but Lauren Hampshire has died-” Nico felt a surge of relief. Not Jason or Hazel.

Who was Lauren though?

_She pressed her soft lips on his briefly before pulling away and looking him in the eye. “I’m Lauren.”_

His one night stand had known his number?

“-and your daughter is waiting here at the hospital for you. When is the earliest you can come here?” Dr. Smith continued.

Nico refocused on the doctor’s words immediately. “Daughter? What?”

“Yes, Mr. di Angelo. Your daughter, Caitlin,” Dr. Smith told him. “Were you unaware of her? In Lauren’s will, she is entrusted to you. If you’d like, I can call Child Services and-”

“No,” Nico interrupted. A daughter? He had a daughter? “I’ll be there in an hour.” The doctor might have said something, but Nico didn’t hear him.

Five minutes later, he registered the dial tone. Movements stilted, he set his phone down and staggered to the shower to wash off the dirt and smell he’d worked up in the last week. Then he dressed, grabbing random clean clothes from his dresser.

He had a daughter. Before he could second-guess himself, he stepped into the shadows and searched for St. Luke’s Hospital.

* * *

“I’m Nico di Angelo,” he told the receptionist. She glanced up at him briefly curious before returning to her work.

“Room two hundred and twelve,” she said. “Doctor Smith should be there in a moment.”

“Thanks,” Nico breathed and walked away, only half-paying attention.

Surreal.

As he approached the two hundreds, he heard a young voice crying and shouting. “Mom!!” the girl’s voice wailed. Nico halted. Was that… Caitlin? What were the nurses doing to her?

He entered the room, inexplicably angry, and saw two nurses crowding a toddler who was thrashing and screaming for her mom. The noise up close caused him to wince.

Nico cleared his throat. Instantly the noise ceased as the girl- Caitlin- his daughter laid eyes on him. Her mother’s copper eyes, he remembered them instantly. The nurses faced him, relief on their faces when she stopped crying.

“I’m Nico di Angelo,” he told the girl, ignoring the nurses. She’d be around two. They hated to be patronized. “I was a… friend of your mom’s.”

“Want mom,” Caitlin said, sniffling. “Want go home.”

“I’m a friend,” he repeated. “You must be tired. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” She stared at him for a moment before nodding.

“Talk tomorrow,” she agreed, opening her arms. It was his turn to stare at her. What was the girl doing? Did she sleep like that?

“She wants you to pick her up,” a nurse whispered.

Pick… her… up? Cautiously, Nico stepped forward, holding out his arms, and Caitlin jumped at him. He stepped backwards.

“Friend,” Caitlin muttered. “Want mom.”

“Tomorrow,” he said firmly. “Sleep now.”

He shifted back and forth, unsure of what to do, but he must have done something right because a couple seconds later, the girl was snoring on his shoulder.

“Nico di Angelo?” a deep male voice inquired. Nico turned and saw a balding man holding a clipboard and staring at him. “I’m Doctor Brian Smith. Can we talk outside?”

Nico nodded and maneuvered Caitlin off of him, set her gently on the bed, and covered her with the hospital blanket. He hesitated for a split second at the doorway, reluctant to leave the sleeping toddler alone, but scowled at himself.

“How did Lauren die?” Nico asked before the doctor could speak.

Dr. Smith’s eyes widened in surprise at Nico’s bluntness but he answered, “Car crash. A car didn’t stop. She died on the way to the hospital of blood loss.”

“How old is- is Caitlin?” Nico cursed himself for stammering like he was still a child.

The doctor studied him. “Two years. Her birthday is the twenty-first of March. Will you being taking custody of her?”

“No. I won’t- wouldn’t be any good for her.”

“Caitlin is up to date with her vaccinations and is perfectly healthy,” Dr. Smith merely said, deciding to ignore Nico’s statement. “I’ll call Child Services and they can pick her up-”

“No,” Nico once again interrupted the doctor. “I know someone who will… who will take her.”

“I’ll still need to call Child Services to start the adoption process.”

Nico nodded and left the doctor standing in the hallway. He still couldn’t believe that this was happening. After he sat down on a chair, he dialed Hazel’s number, watching Caitlin intently as she slept. Short, curly black hair. So tiny and thin. Her eyebrows furrowed. Nico wondered if she was having a bad dream.

“Nico?” Hazel mumbled. “What’s going on? The sun isn’t even up.”

It hurt to breathe. “Hazel. I need help.”


	3. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to write, don't even know why. On the plus side, I finally figured out how to work the text formatting on here.

Hazel cautiously entered the hospital room and her eyes immediately fell upon the sleeping toddler.

“She’s beautiful,” she whispered, glancing at her brother who stood in the corner. His eyes didn’t leave the girl as he nodded in agreement.

“Will you take her?” he asked abruptly.

“Take her? But she’s your child!” Hazel protested. Numerous emotions flickered over Nico’s face, too fast for her to identify, before he was once again emotionless.

“I can’t raise her,” he said. “I- I can’t.”

“But-” she tried.

“Please. Hazel.” They locked eyes.

She broke away first. “Of course, Nico. I just think she’d be better off with you. With her _dad_.”

Nico flinched at the word, dad. Hazel realized instantly that he feared that he’d be a terrible father, that he was afraid that the girl would be shaped by other’s reactions to him because he was a son of Hades. She understood. But he was so wrong. If it weren’t for him, Gaea would have destroyed the world. He had managed to convince the Greeks and Romans to work together. Nico was so much better than he knew.

Hazel stared at the sleeping child and wondered if he’d ever know.

* * *

Caitlin stared at him, eyes bright and cheeks streaked with tears. “Mommy’s dead, isn’t she?”

Nico couldn’t contain his surprise, although he kept his face blank. “Why do you know that?”

She bit her lip. “Mommy said not to tell anyone.”

“I’m a friend,” he pointed out. “Not anyone.”

As if finding his illogical statement acceptable, she nodded in agreement. “I have a funny tickle in tummy when someone dies. Mommy says that the gods need people to fight an impor-” Her nose scrunched as she tried to remember that word. “-important battle and protect everyone else.”

Nico was wordless at Lauren’s explanation of death and the way Caitlin tripped over her words. Was this normal for a two-year-old?

“Your mom is dead,” he finally affirmed. She burst into loud sobs and threw herself at Nico. Within seconds, he t-shirt was soaked with tears and snot, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He just held her and rocked.

When Caitlin finally calmed, he set her back on the hospital bed.

“Do you know who your dad is?” he asked.

She shook her head and swiped her eyes. “No.”

“His sister is going to take care of you now,” Nico said. “She-”

“Why can’t I be with my daddy?” Caitlin interrupted. “Other kids are with their daddies.”

“Your dad…. He can’t take care of you,” he answered slowly. “He’s not a good person to raise you.”

“But-”

“Caitlin. You’ll love your Aunt,” Nico cut her off. “Would I lie?”

They hadn’t known each other long enough for Caitlin to make that decision and she’d been asleep for most of that time, but she shook her head ‘no’ vigorously. The breath caught in his throat at her instant, deep trust.

“You’ll love her,” Nico repeated and fled to find Hazel.

* * *

Hazel wrapped Caitlin up tightly in a thick winter coat to ward off the late February chill in the hospital’s parking structure. Nico trailed behind uncertainly, torn between leaving and staying. Less than twenty-four hours and already he was growing attached.

Unacceptable. Besides, soon she’d settle in with Hazel and Frank and forget about him and Lauren.

 _It was better this way_ , he reminded himself.

They reached Hazel’s Toyota. She tilted her head towards Caitlin when she caught his eye and went around to the driver’s seat, leaving Nico to strap Caitlin into a car seat by himself.

Caitlin giggled throughout the whole process, especially when Nico messed up where a strap was supposed to go. He couldn’t help the small smile on his own face.

“No one needs to know,” he told Hazel, finally finished. She sighed but nodded, trying to catch his eye in the mirror.

“Goodbye, Caitlin,” he told his daughter. She grabbed his arm.

“Are you my dad?” she asked, eyes wide, open, so trusting and innocent.

Gently, he disentangled his arm from her grip and stepped away. “Goodbye, Caitlin.” He couldn’t lie to her.

Nico shut the door on Caitlin’s crestfallen, heartbroken face and Hazel’s disappointed eyes. His fists clenched in anger at the latter sight. What did she even know? She had Frank. He had… nobody.

He stepped backwards into the shadows and vanished.

* * *

The barrier between the Underworld and the human world had thinned after Gaea.

They'd stopped her, but the damage was permanent. Before Gaea, monsters took a year or two to return, but now they were back within two to three months. Nico had accepted the fact before Caitlin, hunting regenerated monsters for a couple of days to the point of exhaustion before he slept for two days straight, but now he embraced it.

It had been a week and half since Hazel had driven away with Caitlin. Nico hadn't slept, had thrown himself at monster after monster. Mentally and physically he was beyond exhaustion, but Caitlin stubbornly stayed in his thoughts.

He blinked. What was he doing here? At Jason’s house? Nico turned away to find a shadow- shadow, shadow, he needed a shadow, needed to leave.

“Nico!”

Too late.

He turned to face the Roman demigod.

“Where have you been?” Jason demanded, grabbing his arm. Touch. Physical contact. He hated it, needed it, wanted it. Ever since Cupid eleven years ago, Jason had been his friend, unwaveringly loyal.

Nico didn’t deserve it. He’d been rude, cruel, antisocial- was all those things, but Jason brushed it aside and continued to be his friend.

“Hunting,” he finally croaked out a reply.

“Pluto, when did you last sleep? Or bathe?” Jason demanded. “You look like shit. Come inside!” He pulled Nico towards his house, ignoring Nico’s futile attempts to get the son of Jupiter to release him.

“I’m not a child, Jason,” he snarled. “Let me go!”

“Then stop acting like one,” Jason merely said, pushing Nico into the house. “Bathroom is down the hall on the left. Clean up. I’ll make some food.”

They locked eyes in an intense staring contest. Nico looked away first, yielding.

“Fine,” he snapped and stormed away.

* * *

The shower helped, which grated his already thin nerves. Nico was tempted to shadow away but something stopped him just before he could actually leave.

Jason set down a bowl of macaroni & cheese on the kitchen table for him when he finally left the bathroom. He hesitated before he began to take tentative bites of the food. To his surprise, it was really good, and he was starving, ravenous suddenly. Nico forced himself to continue eating slowly, as if he didn’t care.

“So…” Jason began, “Caitlin. Is she your child?”

Nico choked on the unexpected, direct question. Jason thumped him on the back.

“Yes,” he finally answered after a brief internal discussion, though he had a feeling that Jason would know the truth anyway. “From the night after- after the wedding.” Jason didn’t need elaboration on whose wedding. “I didn’t know about her- just found out when Lauren died.”

“So you’re just going to abandon her?” Jason asked.

Nico stood. “Abandon her?” he snarled. “I’m protecting her from myself!” Jason stood and met Nico’s eyes unflinchingly.

“And what do you think _our_ fathers thought they were doing when they left us?” he asked lowly. “Wouldn’t you have rather had your father in spite of any pain? Don’t you think it hurt worse to never know our fathers? Quit being such a coward, Nico.”

The air rushed from Nico’s lungs. He staggered back a step, confused. “Coward? I’m not a coward! I want Caitlin- She’s all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks! Is Hazel feeding her properly? Is she dealing with her mom’s death? Is she crying herself to sleep?” Nico took a deep breath, trying to regain his senses. His head felt heavy, his tongue slow and unsteady, and his limbs uncoordinated like a newborn foal. “But I’m realistic. What kind of life could I give her being the son of Hades? She’d be ostracized and people would pity her for having a dad like me. I can’t put her through all the loneliness that I’ve had to go through! And I had a sister in the beginning!”

“Nico…” Jason sighed, staring at him with compassionate eyes, then paled. “Nico!” Why was he being so _loud_? Nico saw Jason’s panicked face and then his world turned black.


	4. Chapter 4

Nico sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, staring off at the wall. Then he grew restless, so he stood and paced for a while.

The cycle repeated. Sit, stand, pace, all the while contemplating Jason’s advice. Raise Caitlin. He’d promised Jason that he would consider it. And not hunt for three days.

He couldn’t do that. Could he? No. He’d be a terrible father.

What does one even do with a kid? He’d have to feed her. What if he forgot to feed her? School. He’d have to take her to school. He’d have to get a car. Or take her to a school bus. No. School buses were dangerous. Other children could make fun of her; the bus could break down. Homework. Nico didn’t remember anything about homework, not math, science, _anything._ All he could really do was kill monsters. How could he help Caitlin with homework?

He opened the fridge door and stared inside. Food. He needed food. Nico stared for a minute longer at all the different items in his fridge. Nope. Not hungry. He closed the fridge. Opened up a cupboard, closed it. Opened up the oven, closed it.

A run. Running was a good idea. And if he happened to bump into any monsters, well, then he’d be obligated to kill them. For the good of humanity, of course.

He glanced at the mailboxes lining the wall when he entered the apartment lobby but paused before he left. Was… there something in his mailbox? He’d never gotten mail before.

Nico walked over and opened up his mailbox, pulling out a thin white envelope addressed to him from- _Lauren Hampshire_. Caitlin’s mom?

The next thing Nico knew, he was back in his apartment, opening the letter.

_Nico-_

_My name is Lauren Hampshire. I am a daughter of Ares. On the night of Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase’s marriage, I met you. I knew who you were immediately. Every demigod knows you._

_I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Caitlin. I dialed your number so many times, but I just kept putting it off. I would have told you eventually. Except now I’m dead. That’s what this letter means, if you’re reading it._

_Please, please, please take care of Caitlin, no matter how angry you are with me, no matter how much you doubt yourself._

_Because, Nico? You may be the son of Hades, but you are also from your mother, part **human**._

_Lauren Hampshire_


	5. Choosing Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caitlin's character was really difficult to write. I just had no inspiration. Until, like, an hour ago. Enjoy! Comments are greatly appreciated!

Hazel stood on her porch with her arms crossed over her chest and a glower on her face, the fading sunlight adding a perilous glint. Nico stepped out of the shadows and swallowed. 

"I want to try," he said. His voice cracked on 'try'. 

"She's not a dog, Nico," she rebuked.

"I know that!" he snapped. His anger faded as quickly as it'd arisen. "It's just that I..." Words escaped him; none of them were sufficient. He didn't think that he could raise a daughter, but Caitlin's mother, another demigod who knew his father's name, believed he could. And the more he thought about Caitlin, the more he wanted to. His own flesh and blood. Ever since Bianca- Percy Jackson- Nico had to try. 

Hazel took mercy on him. "Ask Caitlin what she would like to do," she suggested.

She turned away from Nico and walked into her house, holding the door open for him behind her. He hesitated for a brief second before following.

 

 

* * *

Nico lifted up his hand and, taking a deep breath, knocked. Tiny footsteps pounded frantically on the other side of the door, but she opened the door slowly, peeking out with one eye cautiously.

“May I come in?” he asked. Caitlin nodded and opened the door all the way. He walked in and shut the door behind me.

They proceeded to stand in the center of the room awkwardly for the next minute. Nico didn’t know how to ask her.

He cleared his throat. “Do you like it here?”

Caitlin nodded. “Aunt Hazel and Uncle Frank are very nice. They gave me ice cream before supper.”

“Before supper?” Nico raised an eyebrow and smiled lightly. She grinned back. 

“I could- I could, uh, do that, you know, if you, uh, want to, you know… come live with me,” he stammered out. “Maybe not every day, because too much ice cream would be bad, but-” And now he was babbling. He forced himself to stop talking.

“But you didn’t want me,” Caitlin said, eyes pooling with tears. “You left.”

“I didn’t know about you,” he said with a wince. “And you surprised me. Sometime adults do stupid things when they’re afraid. But you can stay here. My sister adores you- she’s very angry with me.” Caitlin nodded and swiped at her tears. Nico knelt down to look his daughter in the eye. “I might not be the best dad ever, but I’ll do the best I can and-”

She cut him off by leaping at him and tackling him in a hug. Her body shook with sobs. Nico didn’t know what was going on, but he gently pat her back and rocked until her crying subsided into sniffling ten minutes later.

He carefully unhooked her snake-grip on his neck and set her a couple of inches away, wiping the rest of her tears off of her face. “Are you staying here then?” Nico asked uncertainly.

Caitlin shook her head vigorously. “With you, Dad.” She looked ecstatic when she said the last word, and Nico couldn’t help but get a little teary-eyed himself. “With you.”


End file.
